Today my husband and I celebrate 8 years of marriage. Yah– we’ve made it yet another year without killing one another! That is worth celebrating, right?! I’m sure anyone who has been married for a couple of weeks would agree with me. When I thought of being with Michael forever I thought of endless love, laughter, never ending adventures, and security. Thankfully, we have been blessed to have those things but we have also had many experiences that lie on the other side of the spectrum. Today I’m thankful. I’m thankful for where God has brought us in our marriage. I’m humbled today and will always find comfort and happiness in celebrating another year with the man I chose, the man who chose me knowing that God already had this union in His plan.
In spirit of us celebrating us I want to share The Macc’s Must Haves in marriage! After my number 1 these are in no particular order.
1. God– Before I knew who I wanted to marry I knew that my mate would have to share my religious beliefs. It was no if, ands or but’s for me. I needed a mate that would challenge me to be more like Christ and hold me accountable for wrong doings. Furthermore, I needed a “how to” book that my spouse and I could agree on when it came to what to do in marriage and every other aspect of our lives. That “how to” book is our bible.
Application: Since before I got married and until this very day my grandmother always reiterates the importance of “the triangle”. Imagine a triangle, at the top of this triangle is Christ, on one side is the man and the other side is the woman. The closer the man and woman get to God. The closer they get to one another. Isn’t that beautiful?
2. Food– Let me tell you first hand that food is definitely important in marriage. There should be thought, and consideration in dealing with meals. The lack of food makes people irritable. Hangry is a real thing you guys! Communicate as a couple on how meals look for you guys. Who is going to cook? Are you going to eat out? Will the wife be responsible for home cooked meals? Will you have Fend for yourself days? Will grocery shopping be done alone or together? This might seem trivial but believe me it can help avoid arguments!
3. Communication– I know this is probably on every must have list on marriage but know it is with good merit. Without communication you have nothing. I mean it. If you’re not talking with one another then you’re allowing yourselves to grow apart instead of coming together. I know at times arguments and situations can get heated and you might need a break (as in you need to be able to walk away–go to a different room and cool off) which is understandable and something I consider healthy. The problem is when people get comfortable not communicating, don’t want to communicate, and/or lie to themselves about their feelings or concerns in order to “fix” the problem at hand. Be honest with your thoughts and feelings, and listen to your spouse with an open heart. The best advice I have gotten when it comes to communication is to speak truth and listen to hear not to respond!
4. Trust– Something that is hard to get and easy to lose. If trust has been broken in your marriage you have to be ready to fight. Broken trust in marriages is in most instances viewed as indefinitely. This is the case in some situations, but not in all. Broken trust is any betrayal that is considered essential to the integrity of the marriage. The betrayer’s actions and responses have a lot to do in the healing process and ability of the partner that has been betrayed to gain full trust back.
If you are the betrayer below are some steps in mending the relationship:
-Acknowledge your actions (before your partner finds out is always better).
-Give your partner time to digest the information.
-Be honest and address questions.
-Listen to their feelings.
-Be patient! Never say things like– “you should be over that by now”
If you are the person who has been betrayed you have to be ready to fight too. You must fight your inner thoughts in order to be able to have peace. You must be willing to get past the pain to try to resolve. You both must be willing to do whatever it takes in hopes that trust is regained. If trust has been broken please seek counseling. I have never understood why counseling has such a negative connotation. Counseling is a great resource and tool, and is something that every marriage can benefit from.
5. Sex– Let’s talk about sex baby! Sex is very important in marriage and is probably what my husband would put right after God and tied with food! It allows the couple to grow in intimacy, relieves stress, and deepens the relationship. I want to encourage you to communicate your sexual needs to your spouse. Ladies have some time to prep for sexy time, spice it up a bit, put on some nice lingerie. Get your head out of mommy mode and into sexy mode. Stay active in the bed or wherever you choose to stay active at!
6. Patience– Marriage takes patience. Practicing patience in marriage can keep you from saying and doing thing you may later on regret. Patience is something that I view in being a great quality. As you become a more patient spouse you will have more happiness and peace.
7. Good Support– One thing that hurts marriages is bad advice and acting off of other people’s emotions. Surround yourself with godly people and people who will give you godly advice. A good support system is worth far more than gold. The people you talk to can aid in healing an argument or could turn an argument into you and your spouse looking for lawyers.
In marriage don’t ever take your partner for granted. Tell them you love them and show them you care about them. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be partners, put God first and one other second. Share your fears, and insecurities. Create a life worth living and have fun!
Michael thank you for being my rock. Thank you for loving me just the way I am. Thank you for choosing me over and over again. I love you!
XOXO– Imperfectly Perfect,